I’ll be real honest with you.
I really don’t want to write about the race.
I really don’t want to recap what happened.
Because I don’t know what happened, or why I finished the way I did.
I’ve avoided writing this all week.
And I guess if I don’t do it now… I never will.
So here goes…
We took off Friday after work
Look at all of Poshie’s luggage!
1 huge suitcase.
1 back pack.
and supplies for PB & J’s.
we were just going for the weekend.
we are a family of over-packers.
We got to the expo, picked up our packets and headed out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse.
I ate my weight in rolls and cinnamon butter!
Seriously, I could live off those things.
We got back to the hotel and got our OCD on…
I always have to set out EVERYTHING the night before.
Check my Garmin, iPod, etc.
I have NO idea where I get my OCD from…
NO idea. nope. 😉
I went to bed… nervous and excited.
I read every one’s comments on my last post for some motivation.
Your support never ceases to amaze me.
Tyson even posted on the Elevated CrossFit site about me and my training!
I slept fairly well…
woke up, got dressed, got ready.
I was still nervous.
Then I saw Diz…
(p.s. we didn’t stay in the same room, boys in one room, girls in the other. we’re weird like that)
we headed down to the hotel lobby,
met up with Paul and Joanna, and Amylee, too! 🙂
I said goodbye to Diz and we headed to the buses.
I felt really nauseated once we got on the bus.
I was just SO nervous.
I was so afraid of failure.
I was hoping I could get my sub4.
We were hanging out at one of the campfires and JEN taps me on my shoulder!
AHH! I was so happy I got to see her.
She’s been battling injuries and still came out and rocked this race.
read her race recap here.
We had already agreed that we were gonna hang back at the start line and let everyone go.
I told my Mom to go, I wanted another minute or two to collect my thoughts.
I took off about 9 minutes after the gun.
I crossed the start line and started my Garmin.
I watched it pretty closely for the first few miles to make sure I didn’t take off too fast.
I felt like I was on track.
BUT something just didn’t feel right.
I knew something was wrong by mile 10.
It felt like I had a huge rubberband around my chest.
like it was constricting my chest and I couldn’t get a deep breath in. EVER.
I also had some pain in my upper abs/tummy.
Not like I was gonna vomit or shit myself, but like my abs (or maybe my diaphragm??) were cramping.
I thought it might have been the nuun I was drinking, maybe the carbonation was upsetting my stomach.
So I switched to just water.
but it didn’t help.
I’ve never felt so frustrated and lost during a race.
I could literally feel the race slipping away from me.
I would run and then lose my breath and have to walk.
I contemplated quitting at the half way mark.
But I knew I COULD finish, it just wasn’t gonna be the finish I wanted.
and I cried.
I made a friend after the hill, her name was Katie.
we leap-frogged for awhile. and finally started running together.
I had to let her go at mile 18 (i think)… I just couldn’t breathe.
it was awful.
at mile 20 I could feel tingling in my calves.
and I knew I was getting ready to start cramping.
so I started drinking more nuun.
and it did help… the tingling never went away, but it never got worse.
As time dragged on, I knew my family was crossing the finish line and expecting me right behind them.
I knew they’d be worried.
and that made me cry even more.
I wanted to tell someone to find them for me and tell them I was coming, slowly but surely.
It seemed like forever, but I finally got off the trail and on to the straightaway to the finish.
It seemed SO far away. I just wanted to sit down and cry.
But I kept going.
running. walking. running. walking.
and then I saw Diz.
and I burst into tears.
I sobbed into his shirt.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. This is SO hard!”
He told me he had been so worried. I felt awful!
but Diz got me to the finish…
and I could hear spectators yelling my name.
this is not a great picture of me…
I was so happy people were cheering for me.
I was so thankful to be nearing the finish line…
and apparently had something left in the tank to pass a few people on the way to the finish line.
I finished in 4:56.
Though my garmin measured the course at 26.4 miles.
I remember looking down at my Garmin and seeing 4:54 at 26.2…
so I’ve been telling everyone 4:54.
it makes me feel a little better.
As soon as I crossed I saw my Mom & brother.
They waited for an hour at the finish line.
They even checked the medical tent.
I cried when I saw my Mom.
I just sat down right in the middle of the road.
and I just sobbed.
I was (and still am) so disappointed with my performance.
a few minutes later, Jen tapped me on the shoulder again!
She had finished the race! She is such a rockstar!
Lindsay (my sweet friend who made the plaque for me)
came to the finish line and caught my Mom and brother coming in!
My Mom did SO amazing!
she got her sub 4 AND Boston Qualified!
Poshie had trouble with cramping again,
but still finished strong in 4:06!
He’s considering running Utah Valley in 2 weeks.
I think he’s crazy… but… I did the same thing last year.
the whole FAMILY!
Diz finished the half in 2:10!
he had some cramping in his calves, BOO!
In all honesty,
I have no idea what happened during the race.
I’ve talked about with my Mom, with Tyson, with other runner friends.
I don’t know if making the switch to CrossFit Endurance 6 weeks prior to the race was the problem.
For all I know, I could have followed the Hal Higdon plan and still tanked this race.
My Mom and I discussed the importance of the long runs… and if I just didn’t get enough mileage in.
Tyson and I chatted about making the switch to CFE, possibly too late in the game, and if the months prior when I was running higher mileage and CrossFitting 4-5 times a week, if my body was just too run down and still recovering.
I can continue to talk about and discuss it, but it doesn’t change the outcome of the race.
and YES I know I FINISHED a marathon.
I’ve run 7 marathons.
Yes, I’m proud of myself.
Yes, I know that’s an accomplishment in itself.
BUT… I busted my ass on the track and in Elevated CrossFit
and I know I’m capable of running a sub 4:00 marathon.
and the fact that I didn’t get it, like, not even kinda close,
just BURNS me.
I know I’ll run another marathon… some day.
but not anytime soon.
Again, I appreciate every one’s support and encouragement.
It really has meant the world to me.
Thank you so much!
I loved every comment, FB post, tweet, and text. 🙂
I know this seems like a downer – waahwaah post…
I really am feeling better about the race and I feel like I’m ready to put it behind me.
I’ll be back later with happier posts…