I’ve been thinking about this post for a long (LONG) time. Been keeping mental notes (and literal notes, too) all along my pregnancy of the stupid things people say to pregnant woman.
Here are just a few:
1.) (upon finding out that I was pregnant) “I thought your face looked plump.”
the polite response – smile & nod in agreement
what I really want to say – “Well, yes, it is normal to gain weight in pregnancy. Which explains my ‘plump’ face. Thanks for rudely pointing it out though.”
2.) “You look swollen.”
the polite response – “Yes, it’s a side effect of pregnancy and is exacerbated by the lovely summer heat.”
what I really want to say – “There is only one person who can tell me I’m swollen, and that’s my Doctor. You are not my Doctor. So please… shut your pie hole.”
3.) “Do your stretch marks hurt?”
the polite response – “No.”
what I really want to say – “Just my ego when you ask about them.”
4.) “I hope you’ll be able to stay home when the baby is born.”
the polite response – “I’d love to, but I’m the one in the family that gets the health insurance, so I will need to come back to work.”
what I really want to say – “Well I could stay home, get on Medicaid and get all the government assistance, but you see, I CAN work, I have access to INSURANCE, and it’s MY RESPONSIBILTY to PROVIDE for MY child. Not the government’s responsibility. MINE.”
5.) “Were you disappointed that you didn’t get a girl?”
the polite response – “No, we would of course be happy with either. As long as he arrives happy and healthy, we’re happy.”
what I really want to say – “Seriously?! WTF?! How am I supposed to answer that?” If I said ‘yes’, they’d think I was a horrible person. When I say ‘No’, they just smile and nod in agreement with me.
6.) “You’re due in September? Oh… the summer heat! You should have planned that better.”
the polite response – “Yes, it has been a warm summer. So far my pregnancy has been fairly easy, so I hate to complain about the heat.”
what I really want to say – “You’re right… I should have avoided sex for the time period that would leave me due in the summer months. We’re obviously amateurs at this baby making thing. Next time we’ll try harder.”
Now I realize most people don’t mean any harm when asking these questions/making these statements, but they are still offensive. Who comments on a pregnant woman’s size? Pregnant ladies are especially sensitive and easy to anger. And honestly, I don’t really get MAD, it’s more of a “seriously? who says that?” kind of reaction.
“Was this an accident?” “Yes! I tripped and fell on a dick.”
Can you imagine that person’s face if you said that. OMG. Too funny.
Anyone want to add to the list of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman?